In seriousness, the internship application process is a tremendous learning experience, as I imagine the actual internship year will be as well. For one thing, while applying, you’ll learn just how much those obsessional defenses can come in handy while you count up all the practicum and charting hours you’ve amassed during graduate school. Having just come out of the process without many scratches or wounds (aside from narcissistic ones), I can say that as endlessly tiring, unbelievably challenging, and incredibly daunting as it feels, internship application is manageable. I did it, as did about ten others this year, as did countless other students from City before us.

Nevertheless, applying to internship is uniquely difficult. Unlike anything else I faced at City (second docs, the dissertation proposal defense, the silence of program meetings, Steve’s first diagnostic write-up), I think this process was harder than I thought it would be. We have all applied for things such as jobs, loans, college and graduate school. One rather uncomfortable wrinkle in this application process is that you will be applying with people you know. On the one hand, it can be incredibly helpful to depend on your friends and colleagues in the program. You will be able to trade information, answer each other’s questions, and just freak out together, knowing that everyone has a good idea of what you’re going through. On the negative side, do you really want to hear about your friends getting interviews at places that didn’t offer you one? Do you want to listen to the person who completed the application essays in one week, while you’ve been stuck at your first sentence of, “There are many reasons why this internship is ideal for me…” for four weeks now?

What I am trying to say is that there are ways that the internship application process can breed feelings of envy, competition and anxiety between people who consciously like each other and usually don’t feel like avoiding each other in the lounge. Applying to graduate school, we were competing with an anonymous mass of people. This time around, you and your friends will be competing for limited placements at the same six coveted internships around New York City.

I hear it usually works out. Our program has a good track record of students landing one of their top three choices, and by the end of the internship process, applicants develop different personal preferences, anyway. By the end of the journey, you will find yourself thinking about matching at these sites in ways you didn’t when you started. So while Site X may have a good reputation, a child inpatient unit, and a history of liking City students, you might have had a certain gut feeling about Site Y upon visiting it. This is the kind of intangible and immeasurable factor that makes you say, “I can see myself working there.”

I may be focusing too much on the more angst-ridden aspects of internship application year. Let me mention a few positives. As opposed to graduate school applications, this time around, there is basically no application cost (though there is a general registration fee). Also, I did get kind of a proud feeling totaling up all my clinical hours that should be noted and appreciated (graduate school is damn hard work). And don’t forget that applying to internship means you’re getting close to the prize, the Ph.D. (if only the dissertation would write itself). The essays are a pain, though I did enjoy the personal statement, which gave me a chance to be creative.

Now that I got that off my chest, I wouldn’t be my ardently pessimistic self if I didn’t return to some of the more negative things about the process. Definitely the least enjoyable aspect of applying to internships, for me, was the interview process. Depending on how many places you apply to, you may find yourself going on anywhere from six to twenty interviews. I had seven myself, and I do have a few thoughts for those applying in the future. First, it is important to be yourself, since I do think that directors and staff at these sites want to get a sense of who you are as a person. They will have to work with you for a year, often in close proximity. Frankly, they would probably prefer accepting interns who are not certifiable, whom they like as people and wouldn’t mind being around. Let your wonderful personal characteristics shine through in a genuine way. Be yourself, unless “yourself” means coping with anxiety by using inappropriate humor or some other outrageous thing that presumably would have kept you from making it through the City interview in the first place.

While I am making a plea for genuineness, please do remember that it wouldn’t hurt being part salesperson in there. As in any job interview, you’re selling yourself in a way, and you have to assume that the 300 or so applicants to each site are also qualified. I felt it was important in my interviews to not seem cocky, but also to be proud of presenting the experiences and credentials I’ve accumulated through graduate school.

These interviews are tough because, as opposed to the interviews for graduate school, it is no longer sufficient to just present yourself as a dedicated, hard-working person who is eager to learn and help people. After four years plus of graduate school, you will be tested during these interviews. I’m not just talking about your patience. Remember, these sites, while providing you with a degree of training, are also expecting you to function as a fairly independent clinician who can hit the ground running on an inpatient ward or a psychiatric emergency room. You may be asked to review a clinical vignette or watch a videotaped encounter and relate your diagnostic impressions or treatment recommendations. While stressful, this aspect of the interviews is what we are trained for at City. I have confidence that anyone from our program will be able to speak about clinical material richly and complexly. The only difficulties I had were related to differential diagnosis.

You will, of course, be questioned about anything you included in your application, including your essays. So if you wrote about losing your shoe in that gigantic snow pile when you were seven, be prepared to talk about the feelings you had as you stood up there not knowing whether you should come down without the shoe, or continue digging on top of the mound in search of it. More related to your graduate training, be prepared to address the awfully popular (and obnoxious) question: “So what’s the deal with you City people not knowing how to score Exner, and what do you plan to do about it?” Occasionally during these interviews I imagined being the subject of a U.S. Senate confirmation hearing (not for the present administration, of course).

The kicker is that you are being interviewed by clinical psychologists, so don’t expect much feedback or facial cues that say how much they like you. While I think you can know when you completely screw up during an interview (and you can always recover), I think it is very difficult to gauge how well you did. No matter what feeling I had coming out of an interview, I reminded myself that I didn’t see any other applicant’s interview, and that it would be hard for me to presume that I did any better or worse than anyone else.

Once interviews are over, the match game begins. There were many variables that led to my ranking of sites. You can make pro and con lists, which are helpful, but I also think that it is important not to discount that gut feeling you have about a certain place. In the end, this intuitive sense helped me decide why Site X was a better place for me than Site Y. And again, with rankings, it is best to base them on where you want to go, rather than how you thought each site liked you. If you have been on the City admissions committee, you know how idiosyncratic these selection processes can be.

I leave you with a few other pieces of advice:

Talk to former and present interns from a site you are interested in during all steps of the process. That’s where I got most of my dependable information. Seriously, most ex-City interns were helpful and more than happy to speak to me. They remember how difficult this process is and are willing to help out. Since I can’t vouch for everyone, rest assured that you can call me when the time comes.

On the personal statement essay, like Steve’s first-year diagnostics project, you shouldn’t dabble with creativity unless you’re sure can bring it all home.

Remember, internship is only a year, and your life and career do not rest with this one decision. Since it is only a year, you should also consider quality-of-life factors as you rank sites.

Finally, you are capable and have a lot to offer. What we do well at City is think about patients complexly, richly, and dynamically. Internship sites know that about us and love us for that.

Right now, I am in the limbo waiting period after submitting my final rankings and waiting for match day. Another one of the joys of the process, this two week waiting period is worse than the two-week build-up in anticipation of the Super Bowl. It is hard to know what to do with yourself during this time, as all delusions of power over your application finally dissolve. It is out of your hands as you wait to find out if you got matched to one of your top sites, if the “clearinghouse” is in your future (this is the purgatory for those who don’t match to any of their sites and must scramble to apply to places with vacancies), or if you’ll decide to swallow hard and re-apply the next year.

When I’m sick, I’m not a good patient, and when I am asked to wait, I’m not a good waiter. I have many hours of irrational worry ahead, during which I will wonder why I didn’t wear my lucky red tie to all seven interviews, I’ll punitively rethink my answer to that question about vacation destinations, and I’ll fantasize about my never-ventured career as a chef. By the time this write-up comes out, I will already know my fate for next year.

Retroactively wish me luck, as I wish future applicants all the best.

2/8/05